Cyberpunk 2077: Losing My Shoes and Butt Naked T-Posing

Like so many others, I’ve been playing Cyberpunk 2077 and I feel the urge to write about it. As you will undoubtedly recognize, things did not always go as smoothly as intended. In fact, many things went horribly wrong and my Cyberpunk fangirl-hyping phase finally got cured. But I can honestly say I still had a lot of fun.

Cyberpunk 2077’s Retarded NPC’s

Number one on the list of things I like best about Cyberpunk 2077, is probably the story NPC’s. They have a lot of personality and I honestly forget that I’m interacting with a computer from time to time. Without spoiling anything; I genuinely feel bad if something happens to an NPC with whom I’ve had long conversations, or shared difficult moments.

Of course, I’m only talking about the story characters here, not the regular NPC’s. They are (sorry to put it so bluntly) quite retarded. Never heard of ‘self-defense’, apparently. Went on a mad rampage in Japantown, and no reaction or consequences whatsoever. They don’t even have the brains to drive past me if I stand in front of their car.

Night City Dullness

The second thing I want to discuss is my experience roaming Night City. It looks beautiful, especially when putting all settings on high/very high (not that many of you will be able to do so lol). One of the first things that struck me was how nice and real the reflection of my car lights looked.

But I always like to emphasize that the most important part of world-building is not the graphics, but the atmosphere. I don’t know about you, but I play games to experience other worlds, other realities. So I want them to 1) feel real, and 2) show me things I can’t see in real life. Night City does that for me, but only like 55%.

Here’s the problem; the NPC’s act very robotic, the city looks too much like a normal one, and I want more neon lights. I had hoped for a more futuristic, more special Night City, but I got a dull, grey one. We already have plenty of those in real life. Please add more neon lights, CD Projekt Red (after you fix all the bugs, that is). Oh, and a bunch of flying cars. And maybe more futuristic architecture. Maybe some cool street lights that make the whole road light up or something. And did I mention neon lights?

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Can I Romance Takemura Please?

Now for something positive again: I love the story. I like being V, even though I’m dying and Johnny Silverhand is invading my brain. It’s exciting, there are enough twists and turns, and there’s plenty of well-written dialogue. The braindances in particular are an interesting feature that lets me invade people’s privacy to my heart’s content. I love that.

Still, I’m going to complain again; your control over the story seems rather limited. I thought my interactions with Jackie might matter, but they don’t. You also don’t influence V’s personality; it’s just the combat stats. They are a bit unimaginative too. I would have enjoyed a building mechanism with non-combat options, such as in Vampire: The Masquerade.

Finally, let’s talk romance. I was hoping to become the hottest thing in Night City since Johnny Silverhand snuffed it, but apparently there’s only going to be two people interested in me. Such a bummer. I’ve already had the opportunity to lose my V-card (pun intended) to a prostitute, but that just doesn’t feel the same as forming an emotional attachment to the AI of your choice. I had my mind set on Takemura, but I guess it’s gonna be you and me, Judy.

Exposing the Little Johnny’s

Bugs, bugs, and more bugs. The first one for me was Jackie walking straight through my parked car. Later on, all NPC’s took on the ‘please don’t kill me’ pose and didn’t turn back to normal. Then I lost my pants and shoes (don’t worry, they magically returned later) and I saw Johnny Silverhand squatting through the floor.

I thought I took the wrong mushrooms at dinner, but then I saw the videos of the decapitated NPC’s going about their day and all the V’s exposing their manhood’s in public, sometimes while doing the T-pose on a motorcycle.

Now I’m 13 years old on the inside so I find this stuff mostly hilarious, but it’s not right. People paid good money for this. I’ve never encountered so many bugs in such a short amount of time (except for maybe PUBG, but that’s a different situation).

Cyberpunk 2077 Rating

If I have to put a number on it, I’ll give it a 6/10 (for pc only). I think it’s an entertaining game, but it’s not as special as I had hoped. Just a really fun RPG. Furthermore, it has way too many issues right now. If CD Projekt Red delivers on their promise to fix things in future updates, I may increase my rating to a 8.5/10 or so.

I really don’t want to bring up that game again… So I won’t mention it by name. But there’s this other RPG by a studio of the same name that has this white-haired swords guy in it. And that one’s much better. Just saying.