George R.R. Martin is the Biggest Troll in the Universe

Not so long ago, I found this large pile of new dark/reddish fantasy literature in the bookstore. Do not judge me, but I had no idea a new George R.R. Martin was released. When I saw the name, for one second I thought it might be the Winds of Winter, the (very) long-awaited sequel to A Dance With Dragons.

Of course, knowing dear old George, it wasn’t Winds of Winter. 

Let’s be honest; nobody asked for this book. It’s been seven years since A Dance With Dragons part II was released. And even then, fans were pretty disappointed that it was not Winds of Winter. I thought winter was coming but George is certainly taking his time (excuse the pun).

Now, I am not usually the first to complain about Martin being slow, as it is important that the writer of a beloved series takes his time to write something really good. We do not want garbage. So if George is working hard, let’s not bother him, is what I used to think. After all, according to himself, his writing pace is “slow” (you don’t say George!).

But I know better now. The awful truth that all you Song of Ice & Fire fans have been most terribly deceived. The reality you will have to get used to, is that G.R.R. Martin is not just a literary psychopath who feasts on the broken hearts of his fans, but also a relentless troll.

Here we are waiting for the next book in A Song of Ice and Fire, and there comes George; happily declaring that instead of writing the book we have been waiting for these past 7 years, he wrote a history lesson based on the story that he does not bother to finish. “Hey, do you remember that I promised the new book soon and said I was working on it? I was actually not -lol”

But Why?

Apart from being the biggest troll in the universe? And the crappy reasons George has given himself? Like “this book will be very complex blah blah blah”? Well, here’s another theory: Martin does not actually have a clue on what the plot of the series should be. Who will sit on the Iron Throne? He cannot decide, he likes Daenerys and Jon but it would be cheesy. He thinks of Cersei but it would be unsatisfying. Tyrion would be cheered on, but not realistic. Whatever he would do, none of it would fully satisfy a critical audience. So instead he lets HBO decide and continues avoiding the writing of the sequels until he dies.

But despite all he has done to us, I really do hope this theory isn’t true and George will live long enough to finish his work. If we’re lucky, it will take just a few more decennia of our patience. Let’s hope for the best, and keep suffering in the meantime.

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